If I Fall, If I Die is a beautifully written and inspiring coming-of-age novel. Will, the protagonist is an adventurous young boy desiring to taste the world around him and escape from the sanctuary his mother created for the two of them. His mother suffers from severe anxiety – to the point where she developed agoraphobia (the fear of travelling, crowds, and leaving home). By the time Will turns eleven, his mother has not left her home for years due to her crippling agoraphobia, anxiety, and depression. Will is finally able to convince his mother to let him leave their home, at least for a short while, and his journey begins. Over the course of the novel, his perspectives of and his stories of himself in the Outside world are displayed in Michael Christie’s moving writing. It is clear from the beginning that Will’s mother’s anxieties have reflected upon him, considering that the first time he left his house, he refused to take off his helmet. As the novel progress, he realizes that to truly live requires risk-taking. Will concludes that he must step away from the boundaries that his mother set for him and find out who he is on his own.

As Will makes new acquaintances, and eventually, friends, he finds new passions, such as skateboarding. Skateboarding is often described by Will as a means to escape from his old world of pain and sorrow and into a new world of excitement and adventure. This is the case for many other adolescents. According to Will, “each kid had their own Black Lagoon that skateboarding somehow rendered less terrifying.” The “Black Lagoon” that Will is referring to is originally his mother’s anxiety that occurred during her panic attacks, but later he is able to relate this to all people, because everyone has their own problems. Will’s  skateboard becomes his vessel to freedom.

This novel is the perfect book for anyone facing anxiety, whether it is small or extreme. The author is able to describe Will’s mother’s anxiety very well without being over dramatic and fake, keeping his writing genuine and real. Will’s character is also relatable, but in a different way. Since Will is young, he often feels that he is unable to do anything to change the world or to help his friends. At one point, Christie writes, “Will wanted Outside things to go as smoothly as they always had Inside.” Many high schoolers can relate when we try new things but they backfire, or when we put ourselves out there but we find ourselves rejected, and often, we resolve these issues by turning to our sanctuaries, our constants. We begin to believe that we cannot do it all because of one failure, but Will proves us wrong. Even through all of Will’s dangers and fears of the Outside, he still goes back. According to Will, it is worth it. Outside “was worth leaving for, if only to see it up close and to make a friend for a short while.”